The end of a marriage is hard on everyone, particularly the children. Your kids may not fully comprehend why one of you has to move out or why they have to sleep in different houses. Even if you and your ex-spouse are at odds over other issues, it’s important to realize that your children need the love and support of both parents, and giving that to them is going to require working with each other the best you can.

Based on my 28 years of practicing family law in New York, I can offer these tips to help you co-parent in a healthy way:

• Find ways to communicate effectively — If you don’t like talking to your ex-spouse on the phone or if you’re concerned about in-person confrontations, there are alternatives. In most cases, texting or emailing works well. Also, consider parenting apps, such as WeParent, Cozi and OurFamilyWizard, that let you keep collaborative calendars and message each other about visitation, special events, expenses and reimbursements. You can also include other family members and your attorneys in these messages if you’d like to keep everyone on the same page about custody issues.
• Be flexible — You should do your best to stick to your parenting plan but recognize that there will be times where something comes up and you need to adjust. Over the years, you may want a little more time with the kids, perhaps to go on a vacation. Your ex-spouse may raise the same preferences. Communicate openly and don’t spring last-minute requests on the other parent if you can help it.
• Don’t argue around your kids — You are bound to have disagreements with your ex-spouse and maybe heated exchanges. Kids can be easily frightened by the way you behave during these encounters, so try not to get into them until the two of you are alone. This avoids making a stressful situation even harder for your children.
• Don’t badmouth your ex — Kids want to love both their parents, so hearing one of your talk bad about the other is upsetting for them. Doing it often could eventually damage the child’s relationship with the other parent and cause the child psychological harm. So, no matter how angry your ex-spouse makes you, don’t talk negatively about him or her.
• Recognize your co-parent’s birthday and special days — Kids are going to need to rely on you to help them celebrate the other parent’s birthday or Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. Spend a few dollars on a gift that your child can give to the other parent on special days. This will help raise the child’s spirits and may foster a better relationship with your ex-spouse.

At my Syracuse firm, Bombardo Law Office. P.C., I represent parents in all child custody and visitation issues that arise in New York. For a free initial consultation, please call 315-800-4002 or contact me online.